Family Life Center International said, Courtship is a relationship between a man and a woman seeking for marriage or married life
Both are trying to win each other’s affection and love. Both must be emotional, spiritually and financially ready for marriage. Courtship gives you the time to judge each other. It is the time for you to know more about person’s needs, backgrounds and likes or dislikes. Also this part of the relationship is most special time for women because they are being pursued by the men.
Women also remembers this stage because men are its best in this period because they have an extra effort to win the women’s affection and love. This is the time where love is develop between the man and a woman. During the courtship partners can determine whether they are ready for commitment or not. Courtship is always exclusive and involves the family and friends of the woman. Crystal Huskey, eHow contributor, describes the advantages of courtship. First, A solid foundation. Second, best behaviour. Third, good use of time. Fourth, Emotional connections. And Fifth, physical connections.
A solid foundation is the result of courtship to marriage. “the principles your courtship is built on will be the principles your marriage is built on. Marriage is not a magic wand that makes problems fade; in fact, what you allow to go on in your courtship will continue in your marriage, including habits and communication methods. ” (Reverend Sylvester Onyemalechi, Senior Pastor of Jesus Family Fellowship) . Best Behaviour follows the “Golden Rule”. Good use of time it saves time for the couple to know whether they will or want to be committed in the relationship.
In Emotional Connections, courtship has a clear intent of marrying the person whom you courting. Marriage is the end goal and ending up to be honest to each other and develop deep friendship in the relationship. Lastly in physical connections, chastity is important because it involves religious beliefs. Courtship allows a person learn how to have respect and value for the person. It also allows persons to appreciate each other’s worth and may able to help each other’s confidence and personality. Because of too much involvement of emotions, physical and commitment, it can also result into a negative.
Sometimes people jump into the physical aspect when they start courting which is the least important. This is the result of heavy media exposures that tend people to think that is the right decision, its right way, and it’s the right model or example of it. Courtship is a public affair, done in public and with family approval. It includes activities such as watching movie, going on a date and being a lot with the person to know her more in every aspect and situation. There are two kinds of lengthy courtship described. One is short and the other one is long. But it doesn’t measure or assure of the success of one’s marriage.
As many said “courtship is the basis for your enjoyment in the relationship”. It really depends on the couple’s demands and agreement. Although the short and long courtship has its own pros and cons. It does not begin on the day when a man asks to pursue a woman, it begins in mind set and lifestyle before marrying. God is the center of the relationship hoping and praying for the better for each other and lead them to the right direction of their relationship. Although the end goal is marriage, partners should not hurry up to get married. They should first see if they are ready and capable to be married.
Courtship also requires love, prayer, patience and oneness. Other importance sited are partners are different so in this time they can adjust to each other, it can establish communication to strengthen the relationship, they can understand each other’s goals and ambitions, it takes practical decisions than romantic ones, it is an opportunity to confirm what you want from the partner, gives an insight to the life of the partner, courtship before marriage indicates partners on how they solve dilemmas in their married life, and in case of incompatibility, it’s easier to break off the engagement than proceed to marrying the person.
According to Pastor Aaron Haruna, in order to have a successful courtship one must be available meaning partners make sacrifices because of each other’s demand. It will make them understand each other’s emotional, spiritual and financial capacity. One must be of service to yourselves, they must be ready for each other’s needs and make sacrifices to solve the problem that may come to them. Another factor to be successful in courtship is “Break every soul tie”, one must be ready to be loyal and faithful to the partner.
He/She must break his/her relationship from the past avoid flirtation and multiple partner as this may affect the success of courtship. Next is “Be honest to yourselves”, a relationship built on lies won’t last and will fall apart. Lastly, Maintain sexual purity. Chastity is important a sex before marriage destroys love and trust and can bring guilty in the spiritual aspect. Alex Williams of New York Times wrote an article entitled “The End of Courtship?” last January 11, 2013.
According to this article courtship has evolved rapidly, less-formal and very easy for both parties. The generations as of now or the millenians (age 20’s in this era) are in the “hookup culture” in which relationship and commitments are not present but involves intimacy or sexual aspects. The generation as of now are having a hard time to be serious in a relationship and doesn’t know how to differentiate commitments in a relationship and when to be serious in a relationship. It became easy for the man to gain or win woman’s affection because of the “hookup culture”.
Technology brings a big contribution to the changes of courtship. Traditional dating is seen as obsolete and might offend female according to males. Telephone calls to ask a woman on a date are being replaced with tweets, personal message in facebook and texting to avoid hurtful rejections. First date is usually the time when you know and check the background of your partner- to-be but it became unnecessary when facebook and google are there for you to know his/her information.
Cyberstalking is rampant.
In our Philippine culture a man who want to court a woman must be discreet about it and befriend the woman before a man declares his intentions to court a woman. Courtship is termed “Ligawan” in Filipino language. The two can go on a friendly dates with their friends and then they go on a date when they decide to have a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship and announce it to their friends and family. If a man wants to be taken seriously, the man should pay a visit to the woman’s house and give respects to the woman’s family. In the Philippines, courting a Filipina is also courting her family.